This Blog is Discontinued

Sorry folks, but I have stopped updating this blog.

All the links and downloads will still work though.

for up to date information please go to www.mysanggha.com

or contact me via email using the contact sheet on this blog.

thanks for reading,

Hamid

21 Day Sadhana: Day 2-5 quitting smoking

It's been a rather busy week.
I've had to combine my 20 minutes of sitting with watching Master's talks, or while writing the foreword on the new book being published on The Seated Dialogues. And as usual, sitting later in the night is no good because I tend to fall asleep....

Day 2: "Watch the thoughts and breath --> commit fully."  It was a really good talk and I felt very "full steam ahead" to get things done. It seems everyday I run around doing things, just so I can get to a point where I can stop and sit... but as master has said many times, you have to earn the right to sit.

Day 3: "What are you serving?  ---> don't do anything about it, just ponder..." Another really good talk... actually, I think all his talks are really good hahaha. Most times I see that I serve my ego, or my body... but once in a while I serve myself, not in a selfish way, but doing what is right by me for me. Sometimes you have to do things for yourself, despite your mind or body or anyone or anything. For example, I recently quit smoking; actually, to be correct, smoking quit me. I, my mind, likes to smoke. I enjoy the taste, the habit, and the act of it. But, last august i got sick and had a cough so I stopped, then i got better and tried to smoke again. but every time i had a cigarette, I would start coughing again, so i would stop again. So then I thought to myself "ok, i think existence is trying to tell me something, i will stop smoking until the end of the retreat". From September till the end of November i didnt have another smoke. I had one smoke in December while the retreat was going on, when we went to a beach, and i tried another time after the retreat was over. Both times it didnt feel right. I had people telling me not to smoke, but that didn't matter to m, what mattered was whether or not I wanted to stop. If I stopped because someone asked me to, then I would be going against myself, i would be allowing others to influence me, it would not have been an action of I&I and I probably would have started up again later on. By doing this for myself out of my own will, it is clean.

But my point is, I stopped, not because i wanted to, but because it was what was right for me to do... for me, by me.

Day 4: "What are you settled in? ---> what are the things you refuse to see? If you see what has to be done, the energy for it will be there"
I can put off a great many things, cleaning, writing this blog, sitting, cutting my nails... but once in a while, i get to a point where enough is enough and i look the facts square in the eye... then i get down to business. whenever i settle down, that is i accept what has to be done, it gets done.

Day 5: "Going with the mind, when the mind wanders it takes you with it.... Self remembrance = entering aloneness" Today, is Saturday, and I have tried to spend it alone (except for Heather) by myself. I've been keeping a low profile on the phone, and just listening to talks and being quiet as much as I can. Just eating dinner now, and working on building a website... soon I will do my 20 minutes of silent sitting.

21 Days Sadhana: Day 1, commiting to sit

Today I started the 21 Day Sadhana.

I am committing to doing the full 21 days. Everyday, listening to the lectures and doing the Mantra Meditation.

If you are interested in following along with me, you can join mysanggha.com , then click the following links:

Mantra Meditation

21 Day Sadhana



For me, this is a continuation of the Seated Dialouge (also on Mysanggha), and the retreat that I just came back from. There were many times when we were hanging out with Master after the retreat that I would feel a strong urge to just sit silently. I just wanted to stop all the talking around me and just sit in silence.

For the next 21 days I am going to do this. I am actually excited to sit, and I haven't been in a very long time. Ever since I got back from India, I slowly began to sit less and less and have more disdain for it... I haven't had a "seated meditation practice"' in many years... but now is time to start it again, and start it rightly.

Time to sit. Time to sit. 20 min a day. Time to sit.

48 Days of Mastery: Day 36 - 47

The Fall... and Rise

Day 36 (Friday)
Had an awesome Friday night mastery meditation. It was a small class, just Nahid and Heather and I.

On Sunday (day 39) I led the most messed up mastery meditation ever. It must have been the fact that all I did was play intense video games all weekend.... got lazy and let myself go. I don't even think I did my mastery meditation on the Saturday (day 38). Didn't think it would have such a detrimental effect as it did. I showed up to class and realized that I was very nervous and at the time i didn't understand why. As students came in I got even more nervous, so nervous in fact that I had to go to the bathroom for a quick bowel movement... sorry for the TMI hahaha.
As the class started I stammered my way through an introduction, then the mantra.... I felt so retarded... I was so scattered I was rambling... it was like I was conducting the class for the first time. I hurriedly started the mastery meditation track and sat there analyzing myself wondering where I had gone wrong.

It was only when we got to the part where everyone lies down that I began to feel that I was not so scattered. I acknowledged everyone in the room, one by one as they lay there, and thus my own acknowledger was re-born. Then during the celebration I tried my best to recover. Closing the class I was a little more composed but I felt bad for the students, I felt as though I failed to deliver. I went and sat outside and as they came out to leave I started to have conversations with them, and suddenly I connected with them, i spoke without rambling and without sounding like a douche. As they left i knew I had somewhat salvaged the class... thankfully.

Heather had some good feedback (it hit home hard, very hard hehhe), echoing exactly what I had felt all during class. I felt sorry for myself, and felt pretty terrible and ashamed that I had potentially failed the students and thus failed master. I hadn't risen to deliver to them... I don't know what exactly I deliver each class, but I know when I have given and when I have not. Mostly I just felt self-pity and sorry for myself.

I spent a long time just sitting with it, not reacting to the feelings or the thoughts, just looking at it as a fact. I saw that the shame I was feeling was a reaction of my ego to failing. Why did i believe that I was infallible?  why do I have to pretend I am perfect? I am not perfect, I am human, I fail. BUT. I can rise back up again, I can learn from my mistakes, I can put my ego aside and admit when I have failed, I have the tools and the skill to rise myself back up.

Over the next several days I re-committed myself to my practice, I did my mastery meditations and mantra dligiently and I listened to master's talks.

Then it was friday mastery meditation once again (day 44). since it was out last class before I left we had invited all our school of mastery students to attend for free. Several students showed up and it was once again a great class.

I missed my mastery meditation on the saturday (day 45), it was just too hectic with all the last minute errands and packing. We were at the airport by midnight and on the plane by 2am. It wasn't the smoothest departure. Heather's passport had 3 days less than the required 6 months before expiration for entry into malaysia. It was very tense hour of waiting for the airline to contact malaysian immigration to get permission to allow Heather to fly. We were both in a lot of turmoil and stress. Every time I lost hope and felt like giving up, there was a part of me that just would not accept the situation. I could not accept a reality where Heather would not be allowed on the plane. I just couldn't and wouldn't. Heather later told me that she also lost hope and gave up, and she surrendered to existence and prayed to master feverishly to be allowed on the plane. Her prayers were answered. The attendant at the counter had told us that it was very unlikely that they would allow her to fly, but somehow, magically, they were going to let her. needless to say we were very relieved.

The relief was short lived though... as we went through security, they stopped me and went through my backpack. I was taking two packs of BIC lighters for some of my malaysian friends, (our BIC lighters are much better quality then the cheap lighters they can get in malaysia) and another $60 lighter for master. The security guard wouldnt let me take any of them. She said I was only allowed to take one BIC lighter with me. I was dissapointed but what could I do, I tried to reason with her to no avail; I couldnt even get mad at her, she was just doing her job and enforcing the rules. So I took the lighter and went back outside to give it to anyone who wanted it, if I couldnt take it with me there was no point throwing it out, I would just give it away to someone. I offered it to the first guy I saw, he said he didnt smoke so I told him it was $60 bucks and he could just give it away as a christmas present to someone. Then what he said next really shocked me... he told me he would hold on to it for me until I returned and then he gave me his number. I was floored, here I was giving it away and he wouldn't take advantage of it. I felt like he was a blessing, my heart was gushing at his generosity. I went back through security and boarded the plane feeling a little lighter (pun intended!)

I spent the next 24 hours on the plane (day 46), fighting to stay awake as much as possible so that when I arrived in Kl I would be adjusted to the timing. I just watched movies the entire flight... it made it go by really fast. It was a smooth flight and arrival into KL. We got to the center soon after we had checked into the hotel and had our shower. To our surprise and delight master was already there. Happy happy joy joy. It felt like we had never left.

The next 12 hours went by too quickly; every moment was just so full... full of life, full of magic... I cannot describe it. I wish everyone has a chance to meet a living master, and have the blessing to sit in that energy. My mind is blown when I try and fathom it... literally... I cannot believe the luck and grace...not only in meeting him, but to have become his disciple...

2am KL time and we went back to the hotel to bed.

Woke up today (day 47) feeling refreshed. Ran some errands, drank some fresh coconuts, ate some food, and did my mastery meditation. I eneded up napping through most of it, I was really tired... It's almost 6:30pm, I will be doing my mantra upstairs with other students as the priest leads the pooja.

Tomorrow is the last day before the retreat. I will try and write some more during the retreat as well, but i'm not promising anything. It's going to be a really special retreat, from what master has been saying... lots of silent sitting... but enough for now...

H

48 Days of Mastery: Day 26 - 35

So I lost all my notes for last week. =(
I make notes on my laptop, and somehow they got erased... so I have to do this with huge holes in my memory...

Day 26 - 30
Monday to Thursday is a blank. I'm sure I listened to some talks, and did my mantra on the way to work. The only thing I remember is the Friday of Mastery Meditation at Yogana. Heather said it best: she says because Nahid (the owner) is a student of Master herself, she keeps her studio at a certain clear vibration so that when I go in to run the class the energy is already flowing upward; I just tap into that and the class is automatically very powerful. And indeed it was a powerful class, I felt incredibly light (non-heavy) and bright. And after the mastery meditation was over, I told them to sit for about 5 min in silence. I was told after class that it was very much appreciated as it allowed the student to fully assimilate and take in the whole night. I also played Aik Alif, or also known as Master's Father's Song... love this song, tears came in my eyes...

Now... how to get more people to come to these Friday night sessions? hmmm...


Day 31-32
Saturday I went to the Yoga Conference to help out at the School of Mastery booth. I was very overwhelmed at first... seems I don't adjust very easily to large crowds. But after I got myself settled in I felt at ease and talked with the passerby's about the school and what we do.
Remember, the Langkawi retreat in November is coming up soon, and so are the I&I workshops in Vancouver!

Sunday I went fishing with Aber and Clayton. One of the best outings I've had in a long time. I hooked (legally and illegally) into 6 Chum salmon, danced with them to the point that my arm started to hurt.... they are powerful fish. It was a glorious day made more wonderful by the presence of two stand-up men that I look up to and love.

Day 33-36
Not much to report for the previous couple days...
Last night I dreamed I was hanging out with Master, I only remember a small snippet of it but it was enough to be with me all day. And then when I was doing my mantra tonight while doing yoga, I really felt close to him... like really close, like he was there with me. I'm sure if I told him, he'd say something like "What you felt was yourself. the love you feel for me is just a reflection of the love that you are. you are me, and I am you... something like that hahahahah" ;)

48 Days of Mastery: Day 18 - 25

Sunday, day 18: 

Had Mastery Mediation tonight for some reason I felt "on". I was cracking jokes, making the students laugh, and giving them a clear understanding of the process they were about to go through. I talked about expectation vs reality. Taking that first instruction of the Mastery Meditation... "Look around, see things as they are".. and really looking at it. We can't see things as they are because we have ideas and expectations of what reality should be and will be. And when we don't see things for what they really are, we live in our own bubble, unable to recognize another, and unable to meet the moment.

Day 19- day 20

Nothing much, mastery meditation after work, mantra in the mornings while driving into work. I think I was listening to a talk and Master said that the Mastery Meditation is good for giving birth to the experiencer, the one separate from the experience, which is the "more" of you. He says some of us who have been doing it for a while might notice it during the celebration, the feeling of the more, the rising energy, the love etc. My first taste of it happened during Discipline 1. While doing the ABC exercise, I dropped identification with my body, emotions, and self and I slipped into the more. It's the most exquisite taste. Me to me, for me. It's like being wrapped in the warmest of embrace, so clean and light.... sigh... to be in that all the time, that's the real goal, that's what it's all about. 

Wednesday, day 21

While driving to work and doing my mantra, I suddenly felt an uprising in my energy. It wasn't subtle, it wasn't gross... it just felt natural. I was aware of it the entire day, as I went about and did my work. And my work was not tedious or dragging, it was simple and relaxed. Very cool! I didn't feel drained like I sometimes do when I leave work.

Thursday, day 22

nothing written in my notes, so it must have been a normal day.

Friday, day 23

Heather had a dental surgery procedure this morning. It was more stressful than I anticipated... without going into all the details: after the procedure was finished heather fainted while still in the chair, and it gave me a scare because there was a moment where I felt totally helpless and unable to do anything. The moment quickly passed as I acted and helped the dentist in getting her to recover (the assistant had stepped out). Yet,  I couldn't fully recover throughout the rest of the day... even when I went to teach Mastery Meditation in the evening, it was still with me... but, the mastery meditation, the mantra, and the wealth breathing all helped! By the end of class I felt my energy was rising again. It took a while, it wasn't until the last mastery meditation celebration song that I felt I was fully centered and had collected myself back. It's really awesome to be able to see the effects of these tools that Master has given us, and see how quickly they can work. I hold Mastery Meditation sessions every Friday, and every 2nd and 4th Sunday of the month.

Saturday, day 24

I think I was still recovering from yesterday. Ran around doing errands for most of the day. Skipped mastery  meditation, too tired and too "don't care". 

Sunday, day 25

Way better mood today, cleaned my desk a lot and the apartment a little. Did mastery meditation in the afternoon... Heather took a nice pic without me realizing it.

I ran out to run some errands, I had a coupon which I was trying to use retroactively at Purdy's Chocolates. The customer service rep couldn't help me because she didn't have the authority to change the bill or something... she asked me if I could come back tomorrow and see the manager, I said I wasn't sure. She apologized. Then I asked to buy a nut covered, dark chocolate dipped ice cream bar (MY FAVORITE!!), and when I  went to pay, she refused and gave it to me for free! Success! Somehow, things turn out great... must be that wealth meditation. Check out the new website http://www.breathingwealth.com/ on how to do it! And share!

 

48 Days of Mastery: Day 11-17

I've been a little too busy to post any blogs entries. So I think I will keep entries to once or twice a week.

There have been a couple of interesting things that have happened in the last week; let's start at the beginning.

Day 11: Sunday 

- today I did mastery meditation at home with heather.

Day 12: Monday

- I decide to start doing my mantra early in the morning. I put the 48x Mantra Mp3 on my iPhone and listen and repeat along with it as I drive to work; on the drives home I listen to master's talks. I am looking to see if this is a better way of integrating it... so far it feels better than late at night when I am about to pass out.

I do mastery meditation in the evenings... still later than I would prefer though.

Day 13: Tuesday

- I start listening to master's talk, I think it was the third Satsang Series, and in it he was talking about facing facts and seeing things for what they really are. "Seeing things as they are" is the first step of the mastery meditation, it's also one of the first skills of Discipline 1 that you learn, and yet, I think it's the hardest of all things to fully master. I say it's hard because even after all this while I still notice that I do not look at things as they are, I don't always look at facts, especially things of a "egotistically sensitive" nature. What I mean is that when it comes to hard facts about myself I'd rather not look. But existence has a way of showing you things and if you don't look and do the proper adjustments things will start to go sideways. We have identified ourselves with our ideas so strongly that when the facts about ourselves are revealed we cannot accept them, we will not surrender ourselves to the facts until we give up our fight (good talk on surrender)

Day 14: Wednesday

- I have a meeting where some facts are presented to me. I immediately recognize that my reflex is to ignore and panic. But because I am aware, and yesterday's talk is fresh in my mind, I am able to be with the fact. I just let it hit me, I encounter it. As always sitting with facts may not be comfortable at first, but by not reacting to them, you allow something new to be born. Eventually the discomfort gave way, I accepted the fact, and am creating something new.

Day 15: Thursday

- I think the wealth breathing saved me today (I have been doing the wealth breathing during my my mastery meditation dancing celebrations, and I will be incorporating it into the times when I feed the birds at work; see Q&A with master). I went up to the Chehalis fish hatchery today to pick up some mature salmon to bring back to the lab. Due to a small error on my part, we almost lost all the fish on the ride home, but we managed to rectify the problem. I say I think the wealth meditation saved me, because when I do it I get a strong feeling of "everything is ok", and thankfully everything turned out ok that day.

Nice big pink salmon!

Day 16: Friday

- I didn't do my mastery meditation today. I was way too tired. As soon as I got home from work, I had to clean, cut  and prepare for the freezer several large coho salmon that I acquired from work. I then drove to two friends houses and shared some of the bounty with them. Six big fillets was way too much for heather and I alone... when I get something like that for free, why be greedy? The urge to give was too strong to ignore. It's just like the wealth breathing meditation, Receive ==> Give ==> Receive ==> Give (repeat) =)

Then, after I picked up heather from her work, we went to a talk by three black artists from Gee's Bend. These ladies come from Alabama, USA, but the stories they told of segregation and poverty made it seem like they were from a third world. It's amazing what human beings can tolerate and thrive in. I really enjoyed their spirit and their presence, especially when they sang hymns and praises to their God. There was one moment when they were singing where I felt like I connected with their love for life and God. Their art is described as "some of the most miraculous work of art America has produced." check out here for more info

Day 17: Saturday

- Did my Mastery Meditation in the afternoon and started writing this blog right after. Really focusing on relaxing and collecting myself today; tomorrow I have to work again, and then it's mastery meditation at Yogapod.